Self-Esteem

In love life, not being loved lowers our self-esteem, while being loved raises it, said Freud. From flirting to long-term relationships, from marital conflict to breakups, every aspect of our romantic life is deeply tied to self-esteem.

This connection works both ways. While our romantic successes and failures greatly impact how we see ourselves, our self-esteem also shapes how we behave and make choices in love: will we dare to express our attraction? How will we go about it? Who will we choose?

And often, we make poor choices. If we carry low self-esteem because we live in the past — “it’s my father’s fault…” — we may fall for emotionally manipulative people. Their ultimate goal is to use power and control over their partner.

How can we recognize them? “If I love you, watch out!” Jealousy is almost always a sign of vulnerability. The other person’s doubts often reflect their own insecurities: “I am not able to keep them, nor live without them. So I must constantly watch them.” Such people often say: “I was never loved by my father.” “He was violent.” These unresolved wounds make it difficult to build healthy, lasting relationships. You’ll hear: “You don’t text me like before.” “I want you to look only at me.”

When a couple is doing well, each partner values and celebrates the other’s achievements. Self-esteem grows directly for one, and indirectly for the other.

But before thinking about the couple, we must first learn to love ourselves.